by EYTeam | May 30, 2025 | Emotions, Growth
By Jeff Brown – co-founder of Expanding You
We were in round two of edits on the new Inner Balance trailer. Lynn and I had already given our feedback to the video editor, sent it off, and now here we were again, this time Leslie was here too, watching the new version together.
Leslie and Lynn had notes. They wanted more edits.
And while they spoke thoughtfully, my system tensed up. I felt a flicker of annoyance. Then impatience. My mind whispered: “Didn’t we already go over this? We asked the editors to make that change. It’s fine. It’s good enough. Let’s move on.”
Recognizing old emotional programming in everyday reactions
In the past, I might’ve let those feelings drive the next move. I might have tried to steer the conversation toward settling. But that’s not what happened this time.
This time, I caught it.
That flicker of frustration? It was the signal that told me to pay attention and notice I was out of balance. Not because of the situation, but because of what was stirring inside me.
So I turned my attention inward. What’s really going on here?
First, I took a moment and gave myself permission to feel my feelings. In the past, I would have skipped over my feelings entirely and gone right to getting the job done. Instead, I followed the thread of my annoyance into my past, and it took me right back to childhood. My dad’s voice echoed in my head, impatient, always rushing, never fussed about details. “It’s fine. Just leave it. Doesn’t matter.” Saving time mattered more than getting it right.
And layered on top of that? My mom’s quiet concern. “Don’t ask again. It’s rude. You’re being a burden.”
Ah. There it was. My dad’s belief that “saving time matters more than getting it right” conflicts with my mom’s belief of “don’t be a burden”. I was embodying the beliefs of my parents and tying myself up in knots.
How old emotional programming shapes our present behavior
At Expanding You, we teach that all behaviour is internally motivated. Knowing this, I was able to turn inward and recognize my struggle was old programming and emotional wounds running inside of me, it wasn’t about the trailer video edits.
And now I had a choice: stay in it, or shift out. So I named it out loud to Lynn and Leslie.
“I’m noticing I’m feeling frustrated, and I’ve got some old programming showing up here. I can hear my dad’s voice, that urge to just wrap it up. And I can feel that pressure from my mom’s message that we shouldn’t ask for more.”
Bringing it into the light took the charge out of it.
From resistance to authentic alignment
Then I anchored into the facts:
- This trailer is going on our website and into our marketing. I want it to be the best it can be.
- We’re paying our editors by the hour. So what if there are more edits?
- We weren’t as clear as we could’ve been the first time. That happens. Let’s just fix it now.
From there, my system started to settle. I moved from resistance to receptivity. From internal conflict to clarity. From annoyance to something softer, collaboration. These are the skills we introduce in the Inner Balance program.
By naming the beliefs and programming that were running, and choosing truth over the old narrative, I shifted in real time. This shift is a healing moment where I consciously break free from an old, unhealthy unconscious pattern that was programmed many years ago. That’s the power of the work we do at Expanding You.
Was I suddenly elated? No. And that’s important to note. Even after the mental shift, the emotion takes a moment to catch up. I wasn’t in a full state of joy, but I was out of resistance. My heart, I’d say, was at a 3 out of 5. Open. Connected. Not ecstatic but present, grounded.
I could feel myself land back into my body. Not just understanding the shift intellectually, but feeling it. That’s the move from my constructed identity, that version of me that was unconsciously rooted in protection and fear, to embracing my courageous, authentic self, the version of me grounded in love and presence. What I could have easily labelled as a micro-moment of regulation was in fact a healing experience.
This is what transformational work looks like. Leaning into everyday moments, noticing the layers of beliefs and programming informing my behaviour and choosing differently.
Tracking a real-time inner transformation
In Expanding You, we track this shift using the lineage of behavior:
Programming → Beliefs → Thoughts → Feelings → Actions → Experience
In that moment, I walked the chain backward. From the experience (impatience during edits), I tracked it to the action I was about to take (push to move on), the feeling behind it (irritation), the thoughts fueling that (this is fine, this is a waste), the beliefs under that (asking for more is rude, perfect isn’t worth the time), and finally the programming it all stemmed from.
And by seeing it, by owning it, I got to choose something different.
The deeper truth?
It’s not too much to ask for what you want. It’s not wrong to revisit something to make it better. And it’s definitely not more noble to settle for “good enough” when your vision is calling for more.
So we created and sent a list of the new edit suggestions. Not from fear or overthinking, but from presence. When I showed up this way, I felt connected, confident, and my self-esteem increased.
This is what it looks like to apply the work. Not just in the big moments of life, but in the sometimes subtle, everyday ones where our nervous systems get activated and our old programs or emotional wounds try to steer the ship.
This moment wasn’t a breakdown. It was an invitation for a breakthrough. And I said yes.
by EYTeam | Mar 8, 2025 | Identity
There’s a paradox at the heart of being human. On one hand, we have a body-mind complex that is wired for survival, designed to protect, and always vigilant. On the other hand, we have an Authentic Self, our true essence that is open-hearted, loving, and never afraid.
This paradox creates a tension between fear and love, between surviving and thriving, between the Constructed Identity and the Authentic Self. Understanding this dynamic isn’t just enlightening; it’s the key to moving from a life dictated by fear to one led by freedom.
The first truth we have to confront is that most of us are afraid without even knowing it. The ego, whose primary job is to keep us safe, uses fear as its main strategy. But because the ego has a vested interest in keeping fear hidden, it disguises it in ways that are hard to detect.
Fear doesn’t always look like panic or dread. More often, it wears a mask. Fear dresses up as busyness, perfectionism, control, validation, judgment, or even relentless positivity. The trick is learning to spot these disguises for what they are: signposts that the system is in protection mode.
The irony is, the more we deny our fear, the more power it has to run our lives. The ego loves this loophole. As long as we think fear looks like cowering in a corner or losing our cool, we’ll stay blind to the way it quietly, subtly, actually controls us, that is almost always from the shadows.
The Constructed Identity: Fear’s Masterpiece
The Constructed Identity is the part of us built from our past, our beliefs, conditioning, and survival patterns. Its primary job is to protect us by avoiding pain and seeking pleasure. To do this, it creates a narrative: “I must be perfect to be loved”, “I must control everything to feel safe”, “I must keep the peace to avoid conflict.”
These narratives are fear-based and keep us locked in survival mode, filtering every experience through the lens of threat. The problem is, most of us don’t even realize these stories are running the show. We think they are us.
But they’re not. They’re just programs created to protect us, born from real experiences, some joyful, some painful. Recognizing this is the first step in loosening fear’s grip.
Spotting Fear’s Disguises
So how do you know when fear is really pulling the strings? Here are some of the most common signs that your system is in protection mode, even if you wouldn’t call it fear.
- Perfectionism: The Fear of Not Being Enough
The endless pursuit of getting it right is often a fear of being judged, rejected, or exposed. Perfectionism is a survival strategy that says, “if I can just be good enough, I won’t have to feel the pain of rejection.”
- Control: The Fear of Uncertainty
The need to control everything around us is a sign that the system perceives uncertainty as a threat. It’s the Constructed Identity’s way of ensuring survival that says, “if I can control the outcome, I won’t have to face the unknown.”
- People-Pleasing: The Fear of Rejection
Saying yes when you mean no, softening your opinions, or avoiding conflict are often signs of the fear of being disliked or abandoned. It’s a way of maintaining connection at the cost of authenticity.
- Judgment: The Fear of Vulnerability
Judging others or yourself is usually a way to create distance, a buffer between us and the parts of ourselves we fear being seen. It’s easier to criticize than to take self-responsibility or admit we’re scared.
- Relentless Positivity: The Fear of Being Real
When we dismiss difficult emotions with “It’s all good” or “Everything happens for a reason,” it’s often a way of avoiding the discomfort of sitting with what’s real. This kind of positivity is just another fear-based stance.
- Seeking Validation: The Fear of Not Being Worthy
The need for approval from others is often fear disguised as worthiness. When we seek validation, we’re really afraid we’re not enough on our own. It’s the Constructed Identity’s way of outsourcing self-worth and it can show up with thoughts like, “did I do it right?”, “what do they think of me?, “do they like me?”
- Busyness: The Fear of Feeling
Constant busyness can be a way of outrunning our feelings. As long as we’re busy, we don’t have to stop and feel what’s really going on inside—anxiety, loneliness, uncertainty. If you find yourself filling every spare moment with tasks, ask what feeling you’re avoiding.
- Procrastination: The Fear of Failure (or Success)
Delaying action often isn’t about laziness but about fear, fear of failing, fear of making the wrong choice, or even fear of succeeding and not knowing how to handle it. Procrastination is a way to stay in the safe middle ground of not having to find out.
The Authentic Self: Fearless, Open-Hearted, and Free
In contrast, the Authentic Self is the part of us that knows its eternal, and rooted in truth. It doesn’t filter the world through stories of threat or protection but through experience. It sees every moment as an opportunity to learn, grow, and love.
The Authentic Self doesn’t reject the Constructed Identity. It sees it with love and understanding, recognizing that every limiting belief and fear-based program was created to protect us. The Authentic Self meets these patterns with compassion, not judgment.
This is the first step toward freedom, recognizing that fear isn’t the enemy. It’s just a program running in the body-mind complex, trying to keep us safe based on past experiences.
From Protection to Expansion: The Path of the Authentic Self
The journey from fear to freedom isn’t about getting rid of fear but transforming our relationship with it. It’s about learning to see fear clearly, to recognize its disguises, and to meet it with love instead of judgment.
This transformation happens in three phases:
- Awareness: Recognizing Fear’s Grip
The first step is becoming aware of when fear is running the system. This means catching ourselves in protection patterns, whether it’s control, judgment, perfectionism or seeking validation, and pausing long enough to ask, “What am I really afraid of here?”
- Acceptance: Loving the Fear
Meeting fear with love doesn’t mean dismissing it or trying to fix it. It means acknowledging that the fear-based programs in our system are trying to protect us based on past experiences. (These are learned behaviors, which means they can be unlearned) By welcoming the uncomfortable feelings, rather than rejecting or bypassing them, we allow them to move through us.
- Alignment: Choosing from Love, Not Fear
This is the essence of living from the Authentic Self, choosing to act not from protection but from love, curiosity, and truth. It’s about letting the Authentic Self lead, using fear as a signal but not a guide.
The Freedom of Leaning In
True freedom isn’t the absence of fear; it’s the willingness to lean into it, to see it clearly without letting it run the show. It’s the courage to pause, to listen to what fear is really trying to protect, and to choose love and truth.
This journey isn’t about pretending everything is fine or denying the challenges of life. It’s about choosing to meet every part of the human experience, even the hard parts, with compassion and curiosity.
By choosing to lean in, to see fear for what it is – a program, not the truth. When we do this we free ourselves to live from the Authentic Self. We move from a life of survival to a life of creation.
From fear to freedom.
This is the path of Expanding You, transforming our relationship with fear, embracing the fullness of what it means to be human, and living from the Authentic Self, embodied and free.
And that, in the end, is what freedom really is.
If you are interested Expanding You’s transformational path, and want to this journey, check out the Inner Peace program
