by EYTeam | May 30, 2025 | Emotions, Growth
By Jeff Brown – co-founder of Expanding You
We were in round two of edits on the new Inner Balance trailer. Lynn and I had already given our feedback to the video editor, sent it off, and now here we were again, this time Leslie was here too, watching the new version together.
Leslie and Lynn had notes. They wanted more edits.
And while they spoke thoughtfully, my system tensed up. I felt a flicker of annoyance. Then impatience. My mind whispered: “Didn’t we already go over this? We asked the editors to make that change. It’s fine. It’s good enough. Let’s move on.”
Recognizing old emotional programming in everyday reactions
In the past, I might’ve let those feelings drive the next move. I might have tried to steer the conversation toward settling. But that’s not what happened this time.
This time, I caught it.
That flicker of frustration? It was the signal that told me to pay attention and notice I was out of balance. Not because of the situation, but because of what was stirring inside me.
So I turned my attention inward. What’s really going on here?
First, I took a moment and gave myself permission to feel my feelings. In the past, I would have skipped over my feelings entirely and gone right to getting the job done. Instead, I followed the thread of my annoyance into my past, and it took me right back to childhood. My dad’s voice echoed in my head, impatient, always rushing, never fussed about details. “It’s fine. Just leave it. Doesn’t matter.” Saving time mattered more than getting it right.
And layered on top of that? My mom’s quiet concern. “Don’t ask again. It’s rude. You’re being a burden.”
Ah. There it was. My dad’s belief that “saving time matters more than getting it right” conflicts with my mom’s belief of “don’t be a burden”. I was embodying the beliefs of my parents and tying myself up in knots.
How old emotional programming shapes our present behavior
At Expanding You, we teach that all behaviour is internally motivated. Knowing this, I was able to turn inward and recognize my struggle was old programming and emotional wounds running inside of me, it wasn’t about the trailer video edits.
And now I had a choice: stay in it, or shift out. So I named it out loud to Lynn and Leslie.
“I’m noticing I’m feeling frustrated, and I’ve got some old programming showing up here. I can hear my dad’s voice, that urge to just wrap it up. And I can feel that pressure from my mom’s message that we shouldn’t ask for more.”
Bringing it into the light took the charge out of it.
From resistance to authentic alignment
Then I anchored into the facts:
- This trailer is going on our website and into our marketing. I want it to be the best it can be.
- We’re paying our editors by the hour. So what if there are more edits?
- We weren’t as clear as we could’ve been the first time. That happens. Let’s just fix it now.
From there, my system started to settle. I moved from resistance to receptivity. From internal conflict to clarity. From annoyance to something softer, collaboration. These are the skills we introduce in the Inner Balance program.
By naming the beliefs and programming that were running, and choosing truth over the old narrative, I shifted in real time. This shift is a healing moment where I consciously break free from an old, unhealthy unconscious pattern that was programmed many years ago. That’s the power of the work we do at Expanding You.
Was I suddenly elated? No. And that’s important to note. Even after the mental shift, the emotion takes a moment to catch up. I wasn’t in a full state of joy, but I was out of resistance. My heart, I’d say, was at a 3 out of 5. Open. Connected. Not ecstatic but present, grounded.
I could feel myself land back into my body. Not just understanding the shift intellectually, but feeling it. That’s the move from my constructed identity, that version of me that was unconsciously rooted in protection and fear, to embracing my courageous, authentic self, the version of me grounded in love and presence. What I could have easily labelled as a micro-moment of regulation was in fact a healing experience.
This is what transformational work looks like. Leaning into everyday moments, noticing the layers of beliefs and programming informing my behaviour and choosing differently.
Tracking a real-time inner transformation
In Expanding You, we track this shift using the lineage of behavior:
Programming → Beliefs → Thoughts → Feelings → Actions → Experience
In that moment, I walked the chain backward. From the experience (impatience during edits), I tracked it to the action I was about to take (push to move on), the feeling behind it (irritation), the thoughts fueling that (this is fine, this is a waste), the beliefs under that (asking for more is rude, perfect isn’t worth the time), and finally the programming it all stemmed from.
And by seeing it, by owning it, I got to choose something different.
The deeper truth?
It’s not too much to ask for what you want. It’s not wrong to revisit something to make it better. And it’s definitely not more noble to settle for “good enough” when your vision is calling for more.
So we created and sent a list of the new edit suggestions. Not from fear or overthinking, but from presence. When I showed up this way, I felt connected, confident, and my self-esteem increased.
This is what it looks like to apply the work. Not just in the big moments of life, but in the sometimes subtle, everyday ones where our nervous systems get activated and our old programs or emotional wounds try to steer the ship.
This moment wasn’t a breakdown. It was an invitation for a breakthrough. And I said yes.
by Nadeem Ahmad | May 31, 2024 | Emotions
This blog is based on a conversation with Lynn Sumida and Jeff Brown, founders of Expanding You.
“We celebrate our ability to create machines that move as man, yet we
take for granted the miracle that is the human body.”
~ David Alejandro Fearnhead
I was speaking with a friend this morning who told me about a new car she got to drive last weekend. She excitedly shared some of the features that modern vehicles have, like blindspot checkers, newfangled warning systems and, well – comfortable seats.
I shared in her excitement and found myself thinking about how eagerly I track advancements in virtual technology, awaiting the day where it becomes possible (and affordable) to have virtual experiences that feel almost “like real life.”
Celebrating technological wonders like these is a beautiful thing. For me personally, it is a regular source of awe and inspiration in my life. As human ingenuity transforms the world every day through these advancements, I encourage you to transform along with it, through a simple practice: every time you find yourself impressed by a new device or discovery in the world, take that moment as an invitation to find wonder in yourself, as well.
The next time you hear about a wild new step for artificial intelligence, pause to marvel at how automatically that same or even greater intelligence operates in you. When the next Boston Dynamics video shows backflipping and dancing robots, do a little shimmy for yourself and recognize the millions of years of evolution that brought those abilities to you, too.
If you’re having trouble coming up with an amazing human ability, Expanding You recommends one to celebrate: your system of emotions. Long before Ford, Toyota, or Subaru, it was Humanity™ that developed a powerful blindspot checker called emotion. But this system is often neglected and underutilized, much like an unused turn signal, which can lead to uncomfortable results.
For many of us, emotions are something we rigorously try to control, or something which suddenly overrides us. Often it is a piece of ourselves that can be difficult to understand or talk about. There is a lot of conditioning that can cause this – perhaps you’ve been told to “suck it up” or been accused of being overly sensitive.
Or maybe you’ve seen displays of emotion that felt threatening or uncomfortable, and now you link those emotions with discomfort.
What often results from this is an unwillingness to engage with certain types of emotions; for me, anger was that emotion. For a long time, I would almost immediately repress anger as it arose. Growing up, I had not seen anger as an emotion that could be resolved calmly or compassionately, and thus decided (subconsciously) that it was not to be trifled with. But anger, as with all emotions, is a blindspot checker – one that arises when we think something should be different or that a boundary has been crossed.
When we suppress the angry voice within us, we build up a growing resentment for the people and systems that seem unjust. This unreleased energy may bring tension to your neck and shoulders, making it more difficult to relax and reducing your ability to actively participate in the world. This can lead you to either withdraw or explode when the resentment is triggered.
The Expanding You programs highlight an important aspect of emotions: they do not disappear when ignored. Much like the check engine light in your car, it is only by addressing the underlying issue that the warning light – our emotion – will turn off. So how do we address the underlying problem?
“When a problem is disturbing you, don’t ask, ‘What should I do about it?’
Ask, ‘What part of me is being disturbed by this?’”
~ Michael A. Singer
The next time you notice a shift in your emotions, pay attention to the sensations that go along with it. You can even practice right now – think of a recent frustration you had, and try to really embody the moment where you got frustrated. Now think of a recent disappointment in the same way. Now try a joyful moment, or a grateful one.
Pay attention to the subtle differences in how emotions are felt – this will help guide you to the deeper issue.
In fact, Jeff Brown and Monique Stefens of Expanding You have a tool for growing your awareness of feelings and your ability to label them:
The feeling wheel is a tool that has been around for decades, originally created by Gloria Wilcox, and provides powerful vocabulary for understanding our emotions. As you tune in to the sensations in your body, scan the wheel to find the words that identify your inner experience.
Despite the research and attention that some circles have given to the world of feelings, it has been reported that a majority of people use fewer than five feeling words to describe their internal experiences. In our view, the words “happy, sad, fine, good,” and “bad” don’t quite describe the depth or richness of the human experience.
In addition, many people are not in tune with their bodies and the sensations that correlate with those feelings.
Let’s say I notice a tightness in my gut when I recognize a person out in public, and I identify my feeling on the wheel as apprehensive. What I’m experiencing is a low intensity version of fear, which is in the category of AFRAID. What am I apprehensive about? I’ve forgotten this person’s name! Why does that cause apprehension?
Because I believe that I should remember peoples’ names after meeting them or that it’s disrespectful to not remember their name.
Notice what emerges as I label and explore my feelings. There is a thought about the way things should be; I should remember names. Multiple thoughts might arise together; “it’s rude of me to forget.
They were so nice when I met them… what if they think poorly of me for forgetting?” All feelings will have thoughts linked to them, and this is excellent news: because we have much more control over our thoughts!
Adding positive thoughts to the mix, like thinking “They’re probably nice enough to forgive me” or “being upfront and apologizing shows maturity and interest,” will bring pleasurable feelings.
Identifying the feeling, and then the thoughts attached to it, allows us to make a shift. By knowing what thoughts are hiding in our blindspots we can be more intentional about creating the experiences we want, using new thoughts that drive us towards empowered action.
I might go up and share from a new perspective: “hey, I really enjoyed talking to you the other day but I was so caught up in what you said that I forgot your name.”
Suddenly I find myself on the opposite side of the wheel, feeling respectful and accomplished for striking up a conversation and honoring my desire to remember their name.
The Expanding You programs encourage you to honor all of your emotions for the opportunities they present; they might highlight a call to action, or room for growth.
Recognizing and naming feelings allows us to better understand ourselves and gives us ways to communicate with those around us, creating closeness and deeper connection. Providing space for both pleasurable and unpleasurable feelings allows our hearts to be fully seen by those around us.
“Your heart is the light of this world. Don’t cover it with your mind.”
~ Mooji
If you’re not yet convinced of how marvelous this feeling system is, give it a try! Over the next week, check in with the wheel whenever you feel emotion in your body. If it’s easier, start with the pleasurable emotions – learn what thoughts guide you to joy, love, and bravery. Then see which thoughts turn up as sadness, anger, or fear.
For now, don’t worry about changing or using your emotions in any way – just get to know them and what they are trying to tell you. Oftentimes the insights you’ll find there will be enough to guide your next steps. But if you find you’re still stuck… let us know! The Feeling Wheel is only one of many tools we use to build emotional intelligence and channel the body’s natural strengths into growth and transformation, and we’re eager to share more of them with you. In fact, for a sneak peek into how feelings fit into the bigger picture of inner balance and resilience, we invite you to take a look at this brief lesson from our work and to reach out if it gives you any insights or questions.
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